A Gap Year

Summer has started, I have no school to worry about!!! Party and fun is all that matters and what happens after will not matter right now!! Doing nothing all day and stay up till late!

That is what I should be thinking right now...
After graduating, I landed in a black hole. The school I had applied for, and had set my mind on in my last year of school, found that I was not ready for their course and didn't accept me. I didn't have a back-up, and didn't know what I wanted to do when this would happen.
I started looking for other courses I thought I would like, but kept going back to thinking I shouldn't bother because this wasn't the course I had set my mind to. And that would show in every intake I would do.
So I kept feeling down. Starting from not wanting to look for a new course to start, eventually ending in not wanting to leave my bed, do nothing but cry and feel horrible. I started neglecting my friends and family, and sat on the couch or was in bed for days on end.

My parents had tried to talk to me a few times, and I applied for a course a few days after. They helped me realize that I was allowed to 'grieve' over not being accepted, but I couldn't let it affect me in the way it was affecting me.
But, a day after my application, I was still doubting if the course I had applied for, was really what I wanted to do. (But, I had to find a course, so it was better then nothing in my believes. I could always drop out if I hated what I was going to be learning). I didn't stop searching the internet, only to be let down time after time: not finding the courses I wanted, or not being able to apply anymore.

This lead to a break down when I was, again, looking for courses. My dad had to take my computer away from me in order to make me stop looking (even though I couldn't see what was on my screen because I was crying).
That night, together with my mom, we decided it would be best for me to take a year off. A Gap Year.

This night is only one week ago. The plan was for me to enjoy my summer and not look for anything. I would start looking for courses or activities in September.
That didn't turn out well, since I started to feel like I was failing at what I was doing. I wasn't doing anything, that in my eyes, was useful. I wasn't working on my future, and most importantly, I wasn't enjoying the fact that I passed my finals the first time, not having to anything about school anymore. The whole point of a 'carefree and 13 week summer break' was missing.

So, starting today, I am going to look for what I am going to do next year. I still have no clue on what I am going to do, or even want to do, but I made a list of things that I might like. This list contains things such as going to America for a few months and enrolling in high school there, following small courses in photography, beauty or styling and getting a second job and save money to maybe travel later in the year. (My boss is currently on a holiday, but I will meet up with her when she is back to see if I can pick up some more work there). As far is I know right now, I am not sure what I want to do, what is possible or what is going to happen!


I am making this post because I am looking forward to see what this 'Gap year' will bring me, and I want to make a similar post at the end of the year to see what I did! And I'm hoping to take you all on this journey with me !!!